Guest lists and nightmares

Coming up with a guest list is hard! Our budget was modest so we couldn't invite everyone we had ever met in our lives. That was a little difficult for me, because that is exactly what I wanted to do. I had been to and around enough weddings and seen enough hurt feelings and bruised egos that I was scared to start finalizing who was important to share our special day with us.
I wanted to include so many people while excluding several who had been less than nice to me in the last few years. Yea...call me childish I know.
We started with 100 on our guest list. We were keeping it fairly low because we wanted to have it catered. The last thing I wanted was any family or friends cooking the food for my wedding. Not because I didn't trust them but because I wanted everyone to thoroughly enjoy themselves and have a good time!
Long story short (which I will go into another time) we decided to expand our guest list and ended up inviting almost 150 people.
Starting of course with the standard family and longtime friends, and slowly expanding into categories such as: "how long have we known them" to "will they dance" to "have they been nice to me and my family in the past." I mean we couldn't have people there who were going to be rude right? Or people who were going to be offended at songs or not shake their bon bons.
I must have gone through the guest list a good 100 times. I counted and counted and recounted every week it seemed. Since we were having wine and champagne I had to make sure there would be enough which was a major stress in inviting more than 100 people. That stuff is expensive! I had a total guest list as well as a  total drinkers list. I planned for a lot but I guess not everyone can down it like me because there were several cases left over afterward, which of course we didn't mind (although I am actually, gasp, a little sick of wine at this point.)
After we started getting RSVP's back I was able to go through the list more and invite more people. And the closer the wedding got the more I realized I wanted some others there even though they had remained on the B list throughout the entire process.
If you find yourself in that situation and maybe you are like me and don't have anymore invitations to send out or enough time, just own up to it. I told a few different couples that I was sorry this was coming late and especially sorry I didn't have anymore invitations, but weddings are hard and as much as I wanted to include everyone I wasn't sure how many more I could have but that it would mean a great deal to Braley and I if they could come.
And every single one of them came, happy to have been thought of. It helps that they were all married and understood the stress that comes with a limited budget and guest list.
Then there were the people that were upsetting to me. Upsetting and confusing. A few I sent out of obligation, we had know for far too many years to not invite them. And a couple I sent because I truly felt close and wanted them there. After not hearing from them and getting closer to the wedding I did what I had to do and asked if they were going to be able to make it. "Oh, we might be out of town that weekend, we aren't sure." "Oh, we can't make it, I didn't know if I should send the RSVP back."
You think you know people. After hearing their reply's, and getting over my annoyance that a road trip that wasn't even scheduled was somehow more important than a friend's wedding, I adjusted my list and invited those mentioned earlier, then ones that appreciated their invite so much, even though they never actually got one. Weddings will bring out the people who really care about you and are really happy for you and the others? The ones you think you know? Don't waste your postage.

Le Dress

After the deposit was put down and the date was set it was time to move on to the next project. Which was just a mishmash of numerous projects. We started out guest list and started deciding if we were set on a caterer, doing the food ourselves, less than 100 people, more? Decorations...the list goes on.
But wait! The dress!! With not even 5 months until the wedding I was cutting it pretty close and it was pretty clear I wouldn't be buying a dress from a shop since they take too long to order. However, I definitely needed to try on some styles and see what worked right? Now I wouldn't advice going to a shop with the intent of deceiving them. I felt really guilty and of course ended up leaving with just the image of what worked in my mind. Don't do that. Ideally have enough time to order your dress or ready to buy a dress off the racks. Originally I wanted something like this:

(sans ridiculous look on the face)
I liked the deep neck line, I wanted to accent my bustiness and shoulders. Then I started wanting a lace sheath to go with my indoor garden weddings. Anything but a ballgown. At the shop though, the nice lady put me in a ballgown just to make sure I knew I didn't want that style:

 See that grin? Yea...that's the grin of a girl saying yes to that dress.
Problem was, 1- it was 1,200 dollars which, call me cheap, was way too out of my modest budget and 2- it would take 6-7 months to order which would mean me walking down the aisle in my robe.
After leaving the shop with a guilty feeling for wasting their time, I hopped online to see what I could find hopefully similar to this style and in my budget.
Thank you eBay!! I was able to find the exact same style, different designer, for less than half of the store price, in my size, never worn or altered. Not everyone will be so fortunate. If you are limited on your budget and time, I definitely recommend going on line. If you're not, a shop is the way to go.

Can you tell the difference? I can't. It even had the pockets. Now that's exciting.

First Things First

Even though I had been waiting to get married and plan a wedding for 26 years, even though I thought I knew exactly where to start and what to do, I was actually terrified to get started. What actually did come first? I had looked at all the pictures, read all sorts of advice, but where should I start?
I wanted to believe I knew what to do on my own more or less so I just decided to go with my gut and instinct and just plan.
We knew we were getting married even without him hiring a plane to propose to me in the sky. (His proposal was actually pretty standard and simple because he is a shy guy and I didn't really need a big proposal...but I still cried and surprise, said yes.) We had made an appointment to see a wedding venue 2 days after getting engaged. It was entirely perfect. I had always dreamed of a garden wedding with candles and twinkle lights and a lovely intimate feel. Well, this place was beyond perfect.

Now imagine that at night with all the lights going? Talk about an amazing venue.
So there we had it. It was pretty much decided right away, by me, that this was the spot.
While some people might debate on whether to start with your guest list before picking a venue, I might disagree. Deciding on your guest list before you have a spot limits you immensely on your venue choices. Have an idea of how many guests you will have, but I advise getting your spot first. And making sure it's available...which our wedding was in January so thankfully, not a problem there.
Another piece of advice I offer: Salt Lake City isn't huge and weddings here are actually fairly affordable. (Not so with everywhere obviously) This being the case, it was still hard to find a venue in the actual city that was fitting my specifications and budget. So I expanded my search from the city limits and found this little gem. So if it's in your ability to drive a little farther, do it. It's your big day, people will drive a little bit to celebrate with you.

A cliche romance

After my last short-term rebound relationship, I was forbidden to date for 6 months by my mother. 

This came at some unfortunate timing. Our long-time family friend who was always around, always there, shy but adorable, with his little smiles...I could just tell there might be something there. 

This was me, always looking for the next thing, never patient, impulsive. 

We were together a lot, spent tons of time together. We never solidified anything about what was going on between us. Braley is such a shy guy. It was hard to get his feelings out, and I wanted to know how he felt about me and a possible future. It took several months of just hanging out and making hints at a relationship before we knew anything for sure.  

Sparing all sorts of boring details, we did decide to give it a go and date. But I think we both knew it wasn't just dating to see. We had known one another long enough to know this was it, this was for real. We had spent enough time together to know what the future held. 

Finally, I would get to plan my wedding. Such a cliche though. When people ask how we met, all I can tell them is, "We were friends for years, and he was always there. Through my relationships, he was there, just quietly waiting maybe? I had always thought he was cute but he was just our friend and never thought of him that way." 

The best relationships come from friendships? Yes I would agree with that. 

Did I ever think of Braley as my best friend? I'm not sure. Maybe when he finally opened up and cried in front of me? When I told him things I had never really told anyone, or that were very important for him to know? Maybe yes, maybe that's when he started to be my best friend. It was scary and difficult to admit it. If things weren't to work out, the mess it would create. But life involves risk. And I am glad we risked, because now we are married and I couldn't be happier. 

Early Dreams

Essentially I had been planning my wedding my entire life. I think I had my first crush when I was 3 years old...or so I have been told and teased about. It never slowed down, I always had some kind of crush on someone, boy crazy I suppose. I fantasized about my wedding from the moment I can remember fantasizing. It ranged from some sort of gaudy affair to a beach wedding to eloping. Purple and green colors, to lace and bows. It was the early 90s, I am glad my wedding happened in a time when I was able to pick classic themes that I will look back on and feel proud rather than embarrassed. I always knew I would get married one day and it would be fabulous. I just needed the love of my life. 

My first real adult boyfriend was when I was 19, almost 20. Looking back now I definitely am glad things didn't work out. That was so young. Getting married before you can legally buy alcohol? Just plain silly. During my first relationship of course I thought about the inevitable wedding that would occur. I was just sure of it. 

Well, it didn't and I moved on. 

I liked guys here and there but nothing ever panned out. Slowly my friends and cousins started to pair of and get married. I went to wedding after wedding, bridesmaids dresses, gifts and flowers. I loved them all and had lots of fun, but was ready for my turn. 

It would be several years...

After those years, I met a tall skinny funny guy which was actually just my type. After the typical awkward flirtations and such, we were officially together. 

After a few months and the conversations we had, it was pretty apparent a wedding was in the future. I just couldn't see it ending any other way.

9 months later...it did. 

Shocked and devastated I stumbled into a depressed oblivion and rebound relationship. A couple months later, another relationship over, my mother put me on a 6 month dating restriction. No dating for 6 months. 

Now normally I guess for some people that wouldn't have been too difficult. 

But my-now-husband had been hanging around a lot with my family. We had known each other for a long time. I had never looked at him in any other way except a long time friend, except that he was cute. 

I broke up with the rebound guy and had to wait 6 months to find out if there was in fact anything between he and I. Of course I wondered if he saw me in any romantic way, he was always around, who does that if not for a reason? And there were occasional glances and such. 

6 months. I guess I could do that and then see what would happen.